What do Harvard Business School and Dating Have in Common?
As a business owner I’m always on the lookout for great advice. I’m interested in knowing what other successful entrepreneurs do for work, and what makes them achieve such high accolades. I’m always curious and I’m willing to learn something new. Obviously, I was intrigued by this podcast that featured Harvard Business School’s Dr. Brooks who teaches its most famous class: the science of conversation.
In her class she teaches students how to negotiate, how to land their dream job, how to follow up, and how to network. As I was listening to her speak, my jaw dropped. This woman was providing the best advice not for business students but for singles! This was not the outcome I was expecting from this podcast but her insight was so good, I just have to share it. If this information makes you a better dater and gets you closer to the relationship you are seeking, who cares if it was intended for business students, maybe it’s the advice we needed after all.
Here are the main takeaways from the networking segment of the podcast.
1- In-person meetings are much more rewarding than online ones. It takes just 5 minutes to leave a lasting impression on someone. In-person meetings are more memorable and much more important than any connection online.
Our goal at FFL is to gather a reasonable amount of single people who share similar demographics in one room. It’s like walking into a bar where everyone is single and ready to meet new people. The event is surrounded by food because it allows people to pause and generate a genuine conversation. This method creates lasting impressions and forces people to speak to others in a meaningful way.
2- If you see a person across the room that you find attractive but don’t know how to approach them, start by introducing yourself and begin with a question. Attentiveness and curiosity about them is much more attractive than trying to impress them. Here are a few questions you can ask: is this your first dating event? Have you been to this restaurant before? Do you do other activities to meet other singles? Do you like dining at restaurants? What are some great places you’ve been to ? Just these simple questions can snowball into a larger conversation. Keep asking questions and stay invested in the conversation and your level of attractiveness and memorableness will skyrocket.
3- Don’t aim for perfection, aim for connection. Don’t try to be perfect just be yourself, even if you feel too nervous to talk to new people. Genuine connections come from a place of sincerity and authenticity. The reason why we always tell people to be curious about other people is because that is the only way to build a connection. People who do not ask questions don’t seem interested and why would anyone keep talking to someone who isn’t interested in anything they have to say?
You have to remember that networking opportunities, hence meeting new people, are everywhere, you just have to be curious and ignite a conversation.
4- Always ask concrete questions. Never ask anything too broad like for example “tell me about yourself?” Be specific in your questions, 'tell me about your weeknight activities, what do you do after work?’ it will encourage deeper conversations.
5- Finally, quick affirmations work wonders. If you meet someone and reconnect with them at the end of the night, use this opportunity to recall something they said earlier, that demonstrates that you were listening. Even better, if you matched with them and you text them to set a date to meet again, you can mention in your text “…I was so intrigued by our conversation, I can’t wait to talk more. I would love to meet up for a drink or coffee, when are you free next?…”
I think these are amazing strategies to help you navigate meeting new people and it is the science of conversation! If you still don’t believe me, don’t worry, I have a great FFL true story to support my arguments above.
We invited a female FFL’er to meet with us so we can enhance her profile in order to find her better matches and invite her to dinners where she will meet people who fit her profile.
** Spoiler alert** we will be doing invite-only dinners; we will provide more information soon.
She sat with us throughout dinner which was about two hours and by getting to know her, I knew she mastered the science of conversation. She is intelligent and curious about other people, so I wasn’t worried about her skill set. I asked her to this specific dinner because she had never attended a dinner with this group and she was on the lower cusps of the age bracket but I figured it was worth a try. During the switch from the first to the second course a guy beelined towards her and sparked up a conversation. The next day I received a nice message about her asking if she was interested even though she was not part of the event. I contacted her, she said she was interested and voilà, a match was made. They had a 5 minute conversation that changed everything.
I hope these tricks will help you navigate the dating scene. Good food, great conversation, and some wine always help make the sparks fly! We hope to see you at our next event as we do not have many left before we break for the summer. I will be sure to keep you posted on what happened with the FFL true story in a future blog. You’ll find the link to the podcast below for those interested in learning more.
Cheers,
Jenn
