Should You Buy Her a Drink ?
You’re at an FFL event. You strike up a conversation with a woman. It’s flowing, the energy is good, and your interest is growing. What’s next?
Do you buy her a drink?
Short answer: yes.
Offering to buy her a drink is a clear, confident signal. It says: I’m interested, I’d like you to stick around, and I want to keep this conversation going. At our events, that kind of clarity matters. It also strongly suggests she’ll be one of your selections at the end of the night—and hopefully, she’ll feel the same and you’ll match.
What if she’s not interested?
If a man offers a woman a drink and she isn’t interested, she should politely decline. A simple:
“Thank you, but I’m fine for now,” or
“I’m sticking to water tonight”
is more than enough.
At a social event where people are intentionally looking for something serious, accepting a drink during a one‑on‑one conversation when there’s no interest sends the wrong message. Clear signals are kinder—and more respectful—than mixed ones.
That said, context matters. If someone buys a bottle of wine for a table with a mix of men and women and everyone’s having a great time, that’s totally fine. While romance is the goal, making friends along the way is part of the fun.
Why signaling matters so much
Yes, we have a match form at the end of the night, but strong in‑the‑moment signals can make all the difference.
Some people will select someone simply because they found them attractive. Many others won’t, especially if they didn’t feel any clear interest coming their way. No signal often means no selection.
My advice? Put the odds in your favor. Select everyone you felt a genuine connection with, whether or not you’re sure the feeling was mutual. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
And I know this hesitation is real, I regularly find myself emailing guests to remind them to complete their forms… only to tell them they already have multiple likes waiting.
Should women buy men a drink?
This might be an unpopular opinion, but my answer is no.
If you’re a woman interested in a man across the room or at another table, the best move isn’t buying him a drink, it’s approaching him. Introduce yourself. Start a conversation.
Not sure what to say? We’ve got a great blog post with easy icebreakers to help you get started.
If the conversation goes well and he still isn’t picking up the hint, there’s only one thing left to do: be direct.
Unfortunately, ladies, you can’t buy your way out of this one 😉
As you’re wrapping up the conversation, say something light and honest, like:
“I really enjoyed talking to you. I hope we see each other again,” or
“This was such a great evening—I hope we match.”
Simple. Clear. Effective.
Confidence at the beginning accelerates everything. When interest is obvious, connections move faster, and dates happen sooner.
Final thoughts
Dating is never easy. But with the right tools, it can be a lot less bumpy.
My advice to men: If you’re interested, buy her a drink. It’s a bet worth taking.
My advice to women: Men are not mind readers. It took me years of therapy to fully understand this, so let me save you some time, money, and frustration. Be direct, be kind, and he’ll get the message.
If you want to put this theory to the test, join us at our upcoming events on February 18 and 27. We’d love to see you there.
— Jenn
