Another year of FFL and here are my 3 takeaways.
Our last event was a few weeks ago and I had to pause to think about this past year at FFL. I've met a lot of great people and my biggest question is why are they still single?
To be fair, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting the same people at different events which allowed me to get to know them over a period of time. It wasn't love at first sight but as I got to know them I thought to myself "this person is amazing. I want to find someone for them". It's become a personal mission and it's one of the reasons why we started our matchmaking service. If all of these people are so great, why don't they see how amazing they are when they meet each other?
Here are some conclusions I have come to explain this discrepancy :
1- Love at first sight does not exist, that's just you being horny.
I have said this a million times, it's a slow burn. It takes a while for someone to grow on you. Love at first sight does not exist. Give the next person you meet a chance and get to know them. A slow burn is the equivalent of working out. Your muscles burn as you are working through your reps. If you want results, you have to push through and complete your set despite the burn and pain. It's the same thing when it comes to finding a partner and dating. You have to burn through the pain of awkwardness, being vulnerable, meeting new people, being rejected and moving forward. As I mentioned above, I've had the pleasure of meeting several people over a period of time which allowed me to discover how wonderful they are. That is the slow burn of getting to know someone but if you can't deal with the heat, dating might be very difficult for you.
2- "I'm not settling for anything less than..."
I love all these reels on Instagram that talk shit about what women and men should or shouldn't "settle" for. Here is the thing: life is full of settlements and compromises. The best outcomes arise from compromise and cooperation, so what is it that we are not settling for? It's strongly encouraged to settle a dispute out of court. The best marriages are based on compromise. Business contracts are based on a series of negotiations where both parties agree to meet in the middle. So why are we so rigid about our future partner? Are we so perfect that no one can live up to our expectations? So what if he is 5'9 and not 6 ft. Is that going to stand in your way? It did for one girl and she lost that opportunity. He was good looking, 10 on 10 on paper, they hit it off but she told us that he was too short and chose not to match with him. What if he is a little geeky? Guess what, so is Jeff Besos but he and his new wife seem to be really happy in their new chapter. Settle on some things, not everything, and let the small stuff slide, the opportunities will come flowing your way if you just let them.
3- Why is everybody so friendly?
Every single person at our event is engaged and participates in stimulating conversations. For such a long time I could not understand what was the disconnect between the positive vibes and connectivity at our events versus what people actually wrote on their match form. It only hit me when I landed on two match forms from two different women. They had a good time but they wouldn’t call it a “connection”. One woman was very ambiguous; it wasn't clear what she wanted; She was curious enough to continue the conversation with him on a date but wouldn’t go as far as to call it a connection. The other simply liked him as a friend. That's when it dawned on me that people have forgotten how to flirt. It's a lost art.... If you can charm someone, your level of attractiveness is much higher; "hey, what do you do for work?" doesn't spark anything in the other person. You don't have to be forward or sexual but a compliment about their laugh, what they are wearing, or when you are talking to them say something like "that's smart". Highlight the fact that you are noticing the other person. It shows you are paying attention (and women love that) and that you are invested in the conversation. Eye contact is extremely important, look at the person in the eyes when conversing, this will help form a connection. Flirting begins with some sort of flattery and if it is sincere you will score big time. Start there and if the other person reciprocates, things can get heated fast. At one of our more recent events, I placed two people together as I believe they would be a good fit. On the match form, they both selected each other but the girl wrote in her notes that she just wanted to be friends. I still connected them as friends but I wondered if he flirted with her instead of having a platonic conversation would she have put him in the friend zone ?
If you are serious about dating and finding someone, you have to identify and break that bad habit that is holding you back. I've mentioned three above but there are many more. Practise flirting, edit that non negotiable list, be patient with people and make the decision to give someone a chance.
I will end it here and I’ll be back in a few weeks with another FFL story. In the meantime, we are still working on our match making program, if you have some input to share please feel free to write to us, we always love to hear from you.
Happy summer,
Jenn
