Opinion: If you are still ghosting people you are too immature to date !

I know it could be frustrating to deal with someone who wants to see you again after a bad date. It's awkward and uncomfortable to tell them that you are not interested. It could be for a variety of reasons, you are physically not attracted to them, you have nothing in common, the vibe was off etc. No matter what the reason is, you have to tell them that you don't want to see them again.

I would like to preface this by stating that a bad date does not mean you shouldn't consider a second date. I'm a firm believer in a slow burn and that all good things come to fruition over time. However, I've discussed the slow burn theory so many times and it's extremely hard to get people to believe in it so I have decided to work with what I have and to provide some improvement to a bad dating habit we all like to call ghosting. 

Why is it so hard to tell the other person that you don't want to go on a second date ?

Here are two good sample texts that you can use

" thank you for a lovely time but unfortunately I didn't feel a connection, wishing you all the best" or

"I had a great time but I don't think we are a good match, thank you for a nice evening".

If these two don't work, you can ask Chat GPT. I don't care what you do, but be respectful of other people's time as they should be of yours. Is your inherent good nature stopping you from hurting their feelings ? So you took it upon yourself to spare them the pain, just ignore them and pretend they don't exist ? Not being seen or heard is the biggest form of disrespect. If you don't have two seconds to type an easy text message you shouldn't be dating. Imagine if you paid for the date and had an enjoyable evening and the other person just disappeared ? It's ok to reject people respectfully and it's ok to be rejected. If the other person can't handle the rejection they are probably too immature to date as well. Every rejection gets you closer to the right person and every bad date is a lesson and a reminder that you should put your energy in a different type of person. 

Real life FFL story

I followed up with an attendee from one of our events that had a match. They informed me that they went on a nice date but the other person was "hard to reach" and that they won't bother trying anymore. Reading their message was disheartening, but as I mentioned above every rejection gets you closer to the right person. I invited them to join an event where I have a participant that I believe is the perfect match. This person hasn't come to an event in months, but when I saw that they were on the list, I could not pass up the opportunity to pair these two together and to see what will happen next. I will keep you posted but I think I nailed this one. 

Don’t make the same mistakes I did

Finally, I don't want to be typing at my desk judging other people as I have ghosted in the past. Looking back, I do regret it. I was angry about the date and baffled as to why he was texting me. I've been on many dates where it was understood that neither of us would follow up, I didn't call them and they didn't call me and we were both content, so I didn't comprehend why he was reaching out which annoyed me even more. The date was awful, I never sat across a table from someone who was my polar opposite, everything he said I contradicted and vice versa. In any case, there is no excuse, I should have answered his text message, except that Chat GPT didn't exist at the time and so no one was around to tell me what to text- just kidding. 

In conclusion

The moral of the story is to be kind and be considerate of other people's time. An honest text stating that you are not interested is appropriate. If they get offended by a polite message, it's their problem not yours. Once you have stated your position there is no need to further explain considering you've seen each other once or twice. Finally, those who can't handle rejection know that you are not everyone's cup of tea and that's completely fine because YOU ARE CHAMPAGNE, MY DARLING !

Sincerely,
Jenn

PS. We have two more events before we break for Christmas, find someone to make out with underneath the mistletoe here.